Day 89

To Dear Me,

I haven’t gone to the Lord in bible reading and prayer yet. I wanted to do some other things first, then go before the throne without all these interruptions bothering me. I’m listening to some powerful praise and worship. It’s raining hard and windy outside, but I’m not letting the weather get me down. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the holidays and trying to not stress out over everything. I need to work with my finances and still buy Christmas presents. I’m going to bake cakes and give them to my friends for the holidays.

Take care

Alfred

Something to think about

Christmas is one of the most important holidays for us, let me treat it as a special and sacred time

Day 88

To Dear Me,

I went to bed early and got up later today. I feel well-rested, and my body and mind are clearer than yesterday. I had laundry to do and regular stuff this morning. I’m thinking about Christmas shopping and how to do it with my limited funds. I also need to start practicing for my interview next week. This month will be going by very fast. We are coming down the stretch and the holidays are quickly approaching. So much to do. Now my mind is racing to think about everything. I’m feeling anxious. Oh, well, I guess everything will happen when it’s supposed to happen.

Take care,

alfred

Day 87

To Dear Me,

I’ve got lots that I did this morning. I had my therapist appointment, found out how to get my EBT card, got my haircut and shave from my roommate, and other assorted things. I’m drinking more coffee since I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night because I watched the game and hung out too late with my friend. I am determined to do better with my finances and physical health. I’m going to get my bike together so I can ride it in the local park. My mind is a blur of things to do to be productive before going to work.

Take care

Alfred

Something to think about

In the midst of the storms of life, God is still there, right where he belongs

Day 86

To Dear Me,

I’m back home and it feels great to be here and rested. I went to church last night, so I’m staying home. I’m working at 1. Both roommates are here, and things are back to normal. Hollen was glad to see us. We had breakfast and now I’m posting on my notepad again. I’m asking the Lord for more help enforcing my boundaries with people. Too many people know my business and sometimes that bothers me. Maybe I’ll bring that up with my therapist tomorrow. I’m glad that my old friend and I connected again. It was good to see him again. I am hoping to see him again around Christmas. I misplaced one of my devotionals. I really miss not reading from it this morning.

Take care,

Alfred

Something to think about

God is weaving all the parts of my story together into a grand masterpiece of his glory

Day 85

To Dear Me

This is my last day in Jersey.  I've enjoyed my time here with my family but I'm ready to go home. I'm leaving here at 2. We will be home in time to go to the Journey tonight with my roommate. I'm still feeling a bit tired, but I'll be ok to drive back home. 

Take care, 

Alfred

Something to think about

God takes care and provides us with everything we need.

Day 84

To Dear Me,

I didn't post yesterday since it was Thanksgiving and we got busy early morning and stayed that way till people started showing up. We had a house filled with relatives and friends. My brother showed up his cooking and baking skills by preparing 95% of the Thank meal. My other brother came over early and made appetizer boards. The kids helped clean and set up the rooms for the many guests we had. I helped out also. We all had a great time. Football was on all day and my team won too, which made me glad.

Today I'm hoping to meet my old classmate who I haven't seen in 42 years. I'm hoping to meet his family and I'm bringing my son with me.

Take care, 

Alfred

Something to think about

God is always searching for those who will walk in obedience with him.

Day 83

I got up early today to get everything ready for my trip. I still need to get my shower and get dressed. I’m so full because I ate a large breakfast and had a late dinner last night. I’m hoping that I have enough money for gas.  I’m praying that maybe my brother can give me something.

Take care

Alfred

Something to think about

God is the God of all our cares, I will trust in Him 

Day 82

To Dear Me,

I’m running low on medicine, and I need to get to the pharmacy to get it. I need to pick up my EBT card from the Hudson Center. I need to pack up the leftover food cans and boxes to take to my job. I’m working three 8-hour days and four hours on Sunday. I need to pack up and get ready for the Thanksgiving weekend. And finally, we must go food shopping tonight while making dinner. I’m so busy these next three days, just how am I supposed to get all of that together in the time I have?

Take care,

Alfred

To everything there is a season, this is the season of busyness.

Day 81

To Dear Me,

The big rush toward the holidays begins today. I’m planning to prepare stuff for Hollen to eat this week.  I’m going to pack up and take the extra food in the kitchen to the food baskets at work so the holidays will be better for the unfortunate. I’m packing up my medications to take with me. I’m seeing my therapist today. I’m working three 8-hour days to make up for my time off this week. Whew, it's exhausting trying to think of everything that needs to be done.

Take care

Alfred

Something to think about

God is still in control, even when I feel I’m not. His plans never change.

Day 80

To Dear Me,

This is me, the raw tired, and vulnerable me. I have the same everyday struggles. But I walk in the victorious life that Christ died to give me. I’m experiencing his goodness and mercy every morning. I’m doing the will of God for my life. I’m learning to discipline myself in my areas of weakness and follow God in the extraordinary life that I lead. I’m trusting him that everything I am doing is producing good fruit for myself and others. I daily crucify my flesh, so that those desires don’t dominate my life. God is good and he has a good plan for my life. He has given me good friends and a good family, a place to live, food to eat, and a warm place to live. He has surrounded me with blessings. Praise the Lord!

Take care,

Alfred

Something to think about

God is doing good work in my life; his word says so and I choose to believe it. 

Day 79

To Dear Me,

Payday Friday is a happy day but it is also a day of anxiety. I’m trying to pay as many bills as I can and still have money for gas and other things. I prayed through all my situations and I’m disciplining myself in all areas. My biggest struggles are in the areas of finances and physical. I desire to do better, but I always find ways to wiggle out through excuses, instead of applying my heart to wisdom and common sense.

Take care,

Alfred

Something to think about

God will help me if I am serious and not making excuses for my poor choices. 

Day 78

To Dear Me,

A rare day off today because I’m working this Saturday. I’m getting tired of being on and off toward the Journey. I’m making the decision to stay put, just not doing leadership for now. I’m going to work on getting better and being healthier. It means practically doing the workbook, talking to my sponsor and accountability partner about issues, and looking through the materials for Pure Desires ministry. I will join Christ the Cornerstone’s church’s men’s groups on Saturday for breakfast and visit them once a month. I’m submitting to the correction of God and learning the experience as humbly as I can.

Take care

Alfred

Something to think about

Becoming emotionally and spiritually stable is important for becoming more mature

Day 77

To Dear Me,

I’m trying to be faithful and disciplined in my spiritual life and in general. God took away the pain in my arm and I’m so thankful for his healing provision. I need to spend some time in my 12 steps spiritual workbook. I’m focusing more on my prayer life and the decisions I need to make. I have been given an interview for my dream job, so I’m excited about that. I’m going to prepare for this opportunity and dress up in my suit and tie.  So thankful for this.

Take care,

Alfred

God blesses and rewards us for our obedience to him and his word

Day 76

To Dear Me!

Happy birthday to me! I find my life is full of changes and new beginnings, as well as some ongoing things that haven’t changed. I’m still at the library, working part-time. I’m still at the Journey serving and going to the gatherings. I’m hoping for a change in both to happen sooner than later. I still have the best friends and tribe, encouraging me in my life. I’m going through a difficult season for sure, but God is always with me. I’ll continue to stand up for righteousness and seek him above all else.

Take care,

Alfred

Something to think about

God is always there and moving in my life, even when it doesn’t seem like much is happening

Day 75

To Dear Me,

So much to talk about. I have decided to step down from leadership because I am still having to deal with the situation between me and the other person who gave a bad report about me to the church leadership. I need time to heal and process this totally and walk away with strength and confidence. My heart and mind are still hurting. I’m asking the Lord for the lessons to learn and the power to do what is needed. I’m glad I have a therapist and a good wise council of friends to discuss this with.

Take care,

Alfred

Something to think about

Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom 

Day 74

To Dear Me,

I realize that God is for me and not against me. But I have so many questions about why I go through the trials and tribulations I seem to go through imperfectly. I know that I have a lot of work I need to do to get healthier and better in my life. It might not seem like it on the outside and from others, but I battle against things that never seem to leave me alone. Thank God the battle is the Lord's, and the victory is already mine. I just need to work it out in my life and trust that it will be for my good.

Take care,

Alfred

Something to think about

Faith is seeing the glorious end when you’re going through the battle.

Day 73

To Dear Me,

I’ve finished my sabbath and have been seeing answers to my God questions. Someone familiar with my struggles in the church is wanting to come forward to discuss what the situation was from her perspective. So here we go speaking to church leadership about what happened. I need a resolution to the entire situation. I’m not sure that I’m going to be fully restored in ministry, because that is what I’m shooting for. I’m not sure if those doors are permanently closed to me and if new ones will be opened. I’m trusting in God for the answers.

Take care,

Alfred

Something to think about

When God closes a door, does it stay closed, and will he open other doors?

Day 72

To Dear Me,

Happy Veterans Day to all of those who currently serve or have served or have made the great sacrifice for all our lives. We live in relative peace because of them. Today is my sabbath day to rest, relax and worship God. So easy to say, so hard to do since I can always think of so many things I can be doing. Resting from work has always been a hard thing for me to do. Thank God for his principles in his word which talks about a heavenly rest that is promised to us. I’m hoping to spend some time with my son today and tomorrow. I’m working Sunday to make up the time I have been off this week. I’m still believing God for a new full-time position and have been putting in applications. All I need is for someone to call me for an interview. I’m believing in God’s favor for me. I’ll trust God.

Take care,

Alfred

Something to think about

God will take care of me when I get busy doing the Father’s will

Day 71

To Dear Me,

I’m feeling closer to God than ever before. I’m thinking I’m becoming spiritually mature in Christian character and faith. I’m listening to God and doing what he wants me to do. I’m pursuing him with all my heart and soul. I had a good meeting with my church last night and I’m looking forward to another one tonight. God's grace is being poured out for all his sainted ones and his beloved children. I’m praying for revival to hit this land, starting at our church, and spreading outward.  Jesus we all need you!

Take care,

Alfred

I pray for a consciousness towards God and his will again in America

Day 70

To Dear Me,

Today I am fighting a lot of opposition in my heart and mind toward doing the right things. But I’m praying my strong praise and worship music and choosing to live right. I’m off voting and going food shopping at some point today. What am I struggling with? I’m doing good when evil is present to rob, steal, kill and destroy. I’m living the life of a peacekeeper and walking in love and forgiveness. The enemy hates that. I’m also living in the truth of God’s word toward fellow believers and unbelievers. I’m walking in the grace and power of the Holy Spirit to destroy all the works of the devil.

Take care,

Alfred

Something to think about

God is working in my life, I shall not fear what man can do to me

Day 69

To Dear Me,

I’m stirring up the gift inside of me. I love this new station of Alexa I’ve discovered, Bethel Music. It’s more praise and worship music, a lot of what we play at my church. I’m dealing with a new schedule this week due to my being off for two days. I got to hurry up and put this down and take my shower. I’m feeling very jumbled today. It’s a good thing I’m seeing my therapist again. So much going on in my life. I’m struggling with my choices this week. I’m asking the Lord what to do and asking for more wisdom.

Take care,

Alfred

Something to think about

God gives us wisdom if we ask for it to make the right choices for myself and others

Day 68

To Dear Me

I had some many negative feelings toward the ministry God has for me at my church. But I read that I’m being disciplined by the Lord, and I will accept his chastisement so I can grow and be purified by him. I’ll step down from the 2 things that God blesses me with a heart for Prayer Team and Men’s ministry. I believe God will make it up to me in the future since I love doing both things. I can feel his strengthening power flowing through me. I want to utilize it in the way He wants me to.

Take care,

Alfred

Something to think about

Will we accept everything the Lord has for us, the good and the bad?

Day 67

To Dear Me,

I’m still tired from last night's session of 12-step program ministry with my sponsor and then with the brethren. But I know in the multitude of counselors, there is wisdom. So glad to meet my friend for breakfast this morning. We will share everything that’s been going on in my life and I know that I can trust him. God is in this story and he’s making a way for me. I’m looking forward to all the Lord has for me at church this weekend and in my life. I’m trusting in the Lord to help me straighten out this mess that has happened at my church.

Take care,

Alfred

Something to think about

God is always working, even when we cannot see it or feel it

Day 66

To Dear Me

Payday Friday! Yay! My bill collectors will be pleased. Seriously I’m grateful for God’s excellent provision. I’m just believing God that I will get an interview for the full-time library position. I’m glad I finally have my therapy appointment this Monday. I have needed my weekly appointments to keep me sane. When the storms of life come against me, my trust is in the Lord. But it’s also good to be able to sort out everything with someone else. I feel overloaded and heavily burdened at times. He helps me sort out all my emotions and feelings and make better decisions going forward.

Take care,

Alfred

Something to think about

Cast my cares upon the Lord because he cares for me. In the multitude of counselors, there is wisdom.

Day 65

To Dear Me,

I’m still excited that I watched the Astros blank the Phillies last night with their pitchers tossing a no-hitter. I went and did bloodwork with my roommate, then came back and made breakfast. I’m going to get a shower soon. Then pray and start my morning off right. I’m torn that I cannot get an appointment this week with either my therapist or a new Christian one through my church’s partnership. I guess that’s why this journal writing is so important. I put down all the things I’m going through and try to sort it all out with God’s help.

Take care,

Alfred

Something to think about

God hears all the cries of my heart and his word is the standard for truth for me

Day 64

To Dear Me,

Another Dr appointment today. I’m getting tired of all these appointments. But I guess it’s all part of growing older. November month is full of promise. I’ll go away to Jersey for a few days with my son to see and visit my relatives. It’s going to be a good mini-vacation for us both. I’m feeling frustrated with the Saturday game setup at the library. They get full too early so my son and I register late each time. Hopefully, we can both be a part of the group this Saturday. I got to get going.

Take care,

Alfred

Something to think about

Our times are all in his hands, no matter what I’m doing

Day 63

To Dear Me,

I’m flying through my morning. I didn’t get up early enough today. I have a Dr appointments at 915 today and tomorrow. Thoughts fly through my mind and my dreams from last night are still there also. I’m trying to work in my step book with my sponsor and meet with him. I’m also trying to meet with my area coordinator to start the process of getting Christian counseling for me. I did my bible and devotional readings. Now got to pray and get onto the road.

Take care,

Alfred

Something to think about

God is always there and moving in my life, even when it doesn’t seem like it